Toronto party boats are great, boozy escapes from the land. Remember this? Yeah, that's kind of what it's like, guys. Everyone's excited, many of them imbibe a little too much. There are plentiful options when it comes to vessels full of party pirates, and they're heading out of the harbour and onto our beautiful lake all the time. In case you'd like to stop frying like a sad poached egg in the streets of Toronto, we've taken a good hard look at the mothaf***in boats, and we narrowed down a few of the best options.
If you get seasick/claustrophobic, on boats, I get you. Don't forget, there's some other fantastic stuff to do in Toronto this summer:
Here, five potential party boats for you and your crew.
Stella Borealis
Don't you just love that people still call boats "she"? I sure do. This voluptuous lady carries 280 guests for cocktail parties, and 200 for sit-down dinners. There are two decks, the upper one with a retractable roof. A major specialty of Canamac, the company that runs ol' Stella, is staff parties. You can pay $29.95 per staff member plus drinks at $5. This is for companies of 250+, though, but it's billed as "the cruise experience of your life."
Luckily, there are two fully-equipped bars, so you'll have something to do other than moodily ponder your existence as you look out at lovely Lake Ontario. You can ponder it while drunk. Or make a new friend from accounting, whichever floats your...
The Oriole
If you want to take the Oriole out as part of a private function on a Saturday night, it'll cost $3,200 plus $23.95 per person for food. The Oriole is Great Lakes Steamship replica, and I can see children being particularly fascinated by it. There's a canopied upper deck, a full bar, and a range of menu options to choose from catered by the ship's own executive chef. While the Oriole is open to hosting private events, the company it's under, Mariposa Cruises, hosts such fantastically cheesy events as Mix & Mingles, a chance for the post-office set to chit chat over cocktails. I'm picturing the boss from Office Space grinding up on a 21-year-old administrative assistant with mad extensions and obscene bubble gum habits who wants out of the working world a-fucking-sap. Sexy times, no doubt, will be had by all.
The River Gambler
The River Gambler has hosted such sweet events as the The Young Lions Music Club S.S. Songs, in which bands like Dwayne Gretzky and Stella Ella Ola performed, that's right, upon a boat. The River Gambler hosts a variety of events, too, not just parties: upcoming in August is a Serenity Yoga Cruise, with classes instructed by teachers from the Yoga Sanctuary. There are two fully-equipped bars on board, and ample space for dinner parties and other forms of food service. This particular party boat has been in operation for over 30 years, and it's got both an upper deck and a lower lounge, seating 240 in total.
Tall Ship Kajama
Sadly, I cannot think of a single word that rhymes with 'Kajama.' The Tall Ship Kajama is a 165-foot, three-masted schooner with space for 225 people, and, apparently, the only other place this kind of cruise is available is in the Caribbean. Kajama is run by the Great Lakes Schooner Company, and they focus on corporate events, weddings, and educational cruises. That said, the company accepts reservations for private events, as well. Under the same umbrella is a smaller tall ship called Challenge, which has space for a maximum of 72 passengers and can be rented for a mere $1,495 for the day.
Empress of Canada
This regal-sounding vessel is billed (by its own company) as "Toronto's #1 Floating Vessel." Quite the claim, indeed. The ship has been rockin the dinner cruises since 1989, and holds the greatest number of passengers of anyone on this list at 489. You can board this decidedly female water-vehicle for public dinner cruises, as well, which run from about $50 to $75. They've got the catering services, they've got the menu selections, they've got the lunceons and the buffets. All you need to bring is your party pants.
Lead photo by Ben Roffelsen on Flickr.